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I am, however, lonely. I have no other social connections. What makes it harder still is the fact that I don't know how to make friends as an. It was different as a kid and when in college, but now it eludes me. The people I do get to meet there is never any common ground. I have even tried making some reasonable connections online and by going out and ing groups that interest me, but to little avail.

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Contact About Why didn't I settle for the good? Oh, no, the next day will be best.

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I'm stung deeply. Tell me you didn't behave how you did, weeks ago, to teach me a lesson.

No need. I'm not greedy, but I am a weak gambler with a weakness for gambling.

No worse. The possibility of a vague better, of an improvement over what I hadn't defined, compelled me. Once again, I ruined a good outcome by betting on the better.

Brooding on that occurrence, I start to doubt your concerns. I think that there is one specific thing we both want, and I'm willing to follow through there.

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It's just a matter of logistics. I continue to be attracted to you.

Up, down, inside and out. Don't feel strange, but just accept how I feel.

Every day is a day further from the joy I'm so convinced could advance us both, even if separately. The means don't have to be sordid.

And they won't be if the ends--no matter how immediately cloudy--are intact. There are no new tricks.

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There are no tricks at all to learn. Just feel what you're feeling, and don't worry about the rule that you question for once.

You won't experience the full, liberating extent of the boundary if you don't Want to. I can't make you.

I don't know if you have any desire left for me. I suppose not. Do I drive the sword in now? Through you or through me?

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Have you done it already, and was I walking with a dead man last week? Or did I die first?

No, no. You'll leave and I'll leave. We're screwed. All's ending here, too, then, as it should--that's what you want--and ending in disappointment and abandonment.

I don't have the heart to chico personals escorts the story without your input, I hate that it is possible for me to write a story with you in it. The whole art begs to be realized outside of itself, which I'm beginning to believe won't happen. I'd rather devote my energies to a rare, passionate, honest and living love-bond not necessarily marriage with another than pen the tale of such a relationship--sadly, the first isn't entirely up to me, while the second is.

In this life, I've been coned to the second.

It's fine. I am a writer, hurting, never getting to participate truly.

I'll try to, then fail, and then it's back to words.